Deviation Actions
so i was at the library today
and they were doing this canned food drive
to i guess
like
help out the less fortunate
or some bullshit
and they had this big box
that was full of cans of food
and
i don't have a lot of food at home
because
most of my money
goes towards my crippling blackjack addiction
so i decided to just
cut out the middleman
and i started rummaging through the box for cans
but
the fucking librarian saw me
and she was like
“sir what are you doing"
and i was like
"i'm mapping the fucking human genome
what the fuck does it look like i'm doing
i'm taking this creamed corn so i can eat it later
is there a fucking problem"
and she was like
"sir, that food is meant for the less fortunate"
and i was like
"well i'm pretty fucking unfortunate
like
the other day
i was at Burger King
and i asked for no pickles
but they left the pickles on
and it seriously fucking ruined my day
and then when i went to get a refund
they were all like
'we can't refund you if you ate the whole burger'
it was fucking bullshit
i lost sleep that night
so don't fucking question how unfortunate i am
shit's rough in the ghetto, bitch"
and she was like
"there's no way you live in the ghetto
you're a white guy with frosted tips and a polo shirt from abercrombie"
and i was like
"do you doubt my street cred
i will rap battle you right now, fucker"
and she was like
"sir, please quiet down, this is a library"
and i was like
"i'll rub yo face off the earth and curse yo family's children like amityville
and drill the nerves in yo cavity filling
insanity's buildin' a pavilion in my civilian
the cannon be the anarchy that humanity's dealin'
a villain without remorse
who's willin' to out ya boss
forever and take all the cheddar like child support"
and some kid walking by was like
“that's not your verse"
and i was like
"yes it is, shut up"
and he was like
"that's ‘twinz' by big pun, you didn't write that"
and i was like
"actually i did because i'm big pun"
and he was like
“big pun is a fat puerto rican guy and you’re a skinny white dude with frosted tips
also he died, idiot"
and i was like
"yeah so all of his songs are in the public domain now"
and he was like
"that's not how public domain works"
and i was like
"well holy shit look at fucking miles edgeworth over here telling me about public domain
look kid i think i understand the law a LITTLE better than a nine year old
adults are talking, take your fucking naruto comics or whatever and fuck off
i will unleash the fucking fury on you"
and then the librarian lady was all
"security"
and this big security dude came up
and
i threw the can of creamed corn at him
but i missed
and it hit this old dude in the face
and anyway
long story short i have to appear in court next week
augh
WHAT HAPPENED, MAN, YOU USED TO BE COOL
i got tagged again
it's that time again
send that shit to key and peele or something I swear they would make a sketch out of that XD