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 so i was at the library today

and they were doing this canned food drive

to i guess

like

help out the less fortunate

or some bullshit

and they had this big box

that was full of cans of food

and

i don't have a lot of food at home

because

most of my money

goes towards my crippling blackjack addiction

so i decided to just

cut out the middleman

and i started rummaging through the box for cans

but

the fucking librarian saw me

and she was like

“sir what are you doing"

and i was like

"i'm mapping the fucking human genome

what the fuck does it look like i'm doing

i'm taking this creamed corn so i can eat it later

is there a fucking problem"

and she was like

"sir, that food is meant for the less fortunate"

and i was like

"well i'm pretty fucking unfortunate

like

the other day

i was at Burger King

and i asked for no pickles

but they left the pickles on

and it seriously fucking ruined my day

and then when i went to get a refund

they were all like

'we can't refund you if you ate the whole burger'

it was fucking bullshit

i lost sleep that night

so don't fucking question how unfortunate i am

shit's rough in the ghetto, bitch"

and she was like

"there's no way you live in the ghetto

you're a white guy with frosted tips and a polo shirt from abercrombie"

and i was like

"do you doubt my street cred

i will rap battle you right now, fucker"

and she was like

"sir, please quiet down, this is a library"

and i was like

"i'll rub yo face off the earth and curse yo family's children like amityville

and drill the nerves in yo cavity filling

insanity's buildin' a pavilion in my civilian

the cannon be the anarchy that humanity's dealin'

a villain without remorse

who's willin' to out ya boss

forever and take all the cheddar like child support"

and some kid walking by was like

“that's not your verse"

and i was like

"yes it is, shut up"

and he was like

"that's ‘twinz' by big pun, you didn't write that"

and i was like

"actually i did because i'm big pun"

and he was like

“big pun is a fat puerto rican guy and you’re a skinny white dude with frosted tips

also he died, idiot"

and i was like

"yeah so all of his songs are in the public domain now"

and he was like

"that's not how public domain works"

and i was like

"well holy shit look at fucking miles edgeworth over here telling me about public domain

look kid i think i understand the law a LITTLE better than a nine year old

adults are talking, take your fucking naruto comics or whatever and fuck off

i will unleash the fucking fury on you"

and then the librarian lady was all

"security"

and this big security dude came up

and

i threw the can of creamed corn at him

but i missed

and it hit this old dude in the face

and anyway

long story short i have to appear in court next week

  • Listening to: sludge
  • Reading: couch
  • Watching: borscht
  • Playing: huge
  • Eating: the Industrial Revolution
  • Drinking: Skullgirls

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ReluctantZombie
SAM
Artist | Student | Traditional Art
United States
When I was in fourth grade, my school had a contest for artists - you had to draw a picture with a "water" theme.

Other kids made stuff like paintings of mallard ducks in the water or whatever. I submitted a comic strip in which a robot gets a bucket of water dumped on him and he rusts to death.

I did not win.

Current Residence: Earth
Favourite genre of music: 55% metalhead, 45% everything else.
Favourite style of art: Street art and manga.
MP3 player of choice: My brain
Shell of choice: Turtle
Skin of choice: Human
Favourite cartoon character: MC Hammer
Personal Quote: "Every man is my superior in that I may learn from him."
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Comments


Add a Comment:
 
:iconmrdak3000:
MrDak3000 Featured By Owner Mar 12, 2014  Student
yo, long time no see
Reply
:iconreluctantzombie:
ReluctantZombie Featured By Owner Mar 12, 2014  Student Traditional Artist
Has it been that long since I posted anything? Sorry! I blame college :P
Reply
:iconmrdak3000:
MrDak3000 Featured By Owner Mar 12, 2014  Student
I got college too
Reply
:icongertaku051:
Gertaku051 Featured By Owner Mar 1, 2014
So you know what would be totally bitchin'? You doin' some The World Ends With You art. I actually finished that game a while ago and many of the designs in the characters remind me a lot of your style.

Yeah, some food for thought for ya, son.
Reply
:iconreluctantzombie:
ReluctantZombie Featured By Owner Mar 1, 2014  Student Traditional Artist
Funny you should mention that, I'm actually a huge fan of the art style in that game and it may have contributed a bit to the way I draw :P
Reply
:icongertaku051:
Gertaku051 Featured By Owner Mar 1, 2014
Surprise, surprise. But yeah, you ever in an art block/jam, remember me as the wise commenter who said to do that thing involving that game.

My knowledge spreads well.
Reply
:iconlamayal:
lAmayal Featured By Owner Feb 23, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
You have a pretty neat style! :D
Reply
:iconreluctantzombie:
ReluctantZombie Featured By Owner Feb 23, 2014  Student Traditional Artist
Hey, thanks, I appreciate it! Your message has charged me with the power.
Reply
:iconlamayal:
lAmayal Featured By Owner Feb 23, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
Lol you're welcome! Use the power wisely and remember that with great power comes great responsibility ;)
Reply
:iconcoffee-vee:
Coffee-vee Featured By Owner Feb 20, 2014  Hobbyist Digital Artist
Reply
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